This is just one of the greatest photos of all time. I'll accept that Pulitzer anytime…
Let's go through some of these horrific, horrible, no good, very bad photos and I'll tell you what I think of them. I'm going to take some blood pressure medicine before I write this…because it's going to get steamy.
We'll start off easy.
What the Heck! If this were my cat, this would be our Christmas Card for years and years after BOTH of us died. I'm going to go recreate this just to show you how cute it is.
Talk about a Framer. I'm going to blow this up and put it above our fireplace.
Fundamentally, there is nothing more innocent and adorable than a Cat pretending to wear HUMAN shoes. Like step back and don't look back if you think that looks bad. I would probably put it in the MOMA or some fancy place like that. Insured for at least 2 million (both the cat and the Crocs). This is one of those things you want to squeeze so hard that you're scared it will hurt the cat.
The next is one that I get a lot around Halloween. I love Halloween. It's a great holiday. It's the one time a year that it is LEGAL to leave the house walking on all fours dressed as a cat. It's fab. However, people also have the UNFORTUNATE neeeeeeed to send me this:
Like. No need to state the obvious here. Why WOULDN'T you love it?
Idk who that guy is, but he knows the secret of the Croc ventilation system. Keep you cool and dry under stressful situations. Great work. I don't get why people think this is a knock on Crocs. It's how to look good. He obviously knows fashion. If anything, someone should give him a new jacket or some Rogaine.
It's hard to win the war against people who hate Crocs. Especially when "trust-worthy" news sites like Buzzfeed print this http://www.buzzfeed.com/emmamariemusic/19-photos-that-prove-crocs-will-never-die-11sp6#.qgaeAEwod . 1) Crocs are not alive, so they cannot die. 2) Why are you so cruel to make a post about killing something people obviously love so much?? I've reported this post as inappropriate everyday, but some how it is still up on their website. All those people they use in their post are gold medal winners in my heart. We should have the Croc Olympics. I'm going to start planning that and it will rival Rio 2016.
Friends are supposed to be with you through thick and thin, all out or all in, you know? Friends are there FOR EVERYTHING. However, when people send me these things I AM the one reconsidering our friendship:
Ummm I do not pass judgement on your dorky sandals or monograms. I also don't pass judgement on those booty shorts, tube tops, or mini skirts. Actually, it sounds like I need to reevaluate my friends... Cat and Croc lovers only with proper attire. I'm talking workout clothes with Crocs and leftover cat hair. My main outfit.
Last but NOT least:
Yeah Crocs would be a Monday, because Mondays mean BUSINESS. It's back to BUSINESS. It's back to BEING CLASSY unlike your classless thong sandals or your gross topsiders. Thank goodness for Crocs to get you back on your money earning way. I think y'all should THANK Crocs for getting your some MONEY Mo' MONEY Mo' FUNNY. Meaning you have more fun with more money which means you've got to work and usually that starts on a Monday.
Just took my blood pressure, I'm going to go pet Grits for at least 15 minutes to get it under control and then go for walk around the block in my Crocs while enjoying the last sliver of sunshine.
Crocs Out,
